Great Loss

April 10 - or so
The tree cutting crew from Lakeland Electric came today. They destroyed the beautiful oak that was over our side porch. It wasn't just the oak, but the shaded, cool, place of refuge that they took away. Its now an ugly gaping hole where one portion of the tree used to be and the porch is flooded with sun. Gone is that place of escape.

I've thought a lot. God orders my days. Nothing comes into my life without His permission and there is a reason for anything He puts into my life.. including the loss of something I percieved as precious. I haven't cried like that for years. There was such grief.

However.. I know that He works all things together for our good - that was a place to hide. One thing that came to mind was its time to not hide anymore. when I told my friend, Dr. McK, she said..sounds like you were hiding.. so I'll take that as Him speaking through the mouths of two or more.. The front porch is SO exposed and in the open.. very difficult for me. I tend to run and hide when anyone is around... Awful how I'm come to value myself. I don't know how to deal with anyone I guess. I do it, but with great stress in my heart.


The front porch is much bigger.. one side stays sunny all morning and part of the afternoon, but the kitchen end is shady.. exposed but shady. I'm trying to spend more and more time out there.. in the open. Neighbors all around the neighborhood.. working on their yards and houses. Our house and yard is so plain "with nothing to recommend it". We need to decide what we want to do with the roof and do it... new shingle roof, roof over...??? I'd love a roof over the front porch.. that would allow the front windows to be uncovered during the summer.. let light in and not the furious sun AND make it so much more usable.

This afternoon I thought.. its time. forgive the tree men for what they did and move on. I went to clean out a spot by the back oak tree to put in the impatiens Hans bought for me. I looked at all that needed to be done and sadly got so upset I just went in the house thinking.. I just give up. I can't take care of things I should . Finally went out and pulled a bit of grass, moved a little of the oak leaves.

I repotted a few of the impatiens so they can grow big and I can then decide whether they ought to be in the ground or in pots.

The 4 o'clocks have come up.. the alyssum, the marigolds are just barely beginning to come up. Not a sign of the cleomes or the sunflowers. Guess I'll need to check and see how long they take. May have to get some new sunflower seeds. I think the cleomes did take a lot of time.

Tomorrow's another day. I expect that each day will be easier and gradually I'll find the joy in the change. I know He has wonderful surprises for us, and I believe one will be what I find when I truly let go of what happened and don't seek revenge in my mind. smile.

Tomorrow I'll really work on part of the yard. Its so big I don't know where to start now. I had planned to put in stuff in my "shady" gardens around the side porch, but its no longer shady so things will ahve to be moved. I have 4 big ferns that will need to go by the tree next to the drive or out back of the shed. I can see them from my computer, so perhaps that's a good spot for them. A pretty thing to look at. I need to make a list of the things that need to be done.

I want to hang those ferns.. plant some things by the back tree.. use the weedwacker or find someone who will.
We ought to get in touch with Gayle and DeeDee and see what they say about keeping the water from running under the house. Everything is so half done and nothing completed. I feel like its such a mess and getting worse. I was excited because it looked like I was going to make the yard pretty, but there are so many messes I just can't keep up and get defeated rather easily. Fifteen minutes at a time I guess. One small spot at a time. I need Flylady for the garden. lol.

Weariness

Thursday April 6, 06
I'm looked at a lot of inspiring garden blogs. Makes me know that what I've done in mine isn't what most do. Their's are short and to the point without personal stuff too much. My gardens are a reflection of me.. lots of personal and God always over all.

Today I moved two fairly large bunches of mulch using a shower curtain.. raked it onto curtain and slid the curtain to where I wanted the mulch. Much easier than the wheel barrow and that was easier than the trash barrel on wheels. I'm hoping this will work well. Its the first time that I've felt like I'm making progress to having gardens that I'll love. HOping I make good choices for fairly carefree plants. Some of the plants that say self seeding, I'll have to put some on non mulched areas so they'll have places to get a foothold when they drop their seeds.

Started some seeds today: Max sunflowers - assorted colors and 5-6' tall. Planning on putting some out at the back fence and some on the side fences.. some FOR my neighbors and some as a screen out back. I'd like a little privacy. Also planted 4 o'clocks.. I love their vibrant colors and that sweet sweet smell in the morning and evening.. Planted mixed cleomes.. fairly tall.. not sure where I'll put them. Probably some out by the cassia - and some out from with the plumbago. That needs to be planted half way between Hans window and the road maybe.. little kidney shaped bed.. maybe some 4 o'clocks there also... lots of soon flash! Planted a small pack of alyssum tall.. I love the smell of alyssum also.. going to plant that in lots of places.. however many plants come up.. and might plant some into bare ground wherever I put some self seeding things like cleomes. I planted some golden guardian marigolds.. they are said to be the best defense against nematodes. Not happy that they are ONLY yellow, but that's okay.

One of the baby mockingbirds was on the walk near the side porch. So adorable.. almost no tail yet, fluffy down feathers on its head and edges of wings.. When mother bird saw me, she flew away and that baby didn't move a muscle.. I got my camera and took several photos and the baby hardly moved all that time.

The lone egret had some company - they were out by my duranta repens.. golden dewdrop - must be so named for the tiny seed/berries that form after the flowers..

Dew on the Roses

Dew on the Roses

All Day Sunday

April 02
Still paying for doing to much on Friday. Only did the mandatory chores today.. food, dishes, laundry. I did make some holders for seeds to start. I took egg cartons, cut off the lids, heated an awl over a candle and melted in 3 small holes on the bottom of each egg holder for drainage. Tomorrow I hope to actually get those seeds started. Smile.

The amaryllis are blooming out back.. they always amaze me! They shoot up so quickly and the flowers open so huge.. miracle.

I've been looking at different plants.. and cameras and books. A friend.. Christy gave me a gift certificate to Amazon.com. There is a course online at Barnes and Noble that requires a book, which I found on Amazon in the used books.. if I buy more than 25$, its free shipping.. I think I'll take the names of some books available and check them at the local Barnes and Noble store.

Hans is giving me a camera for my birthday. I have the Sony Mavica, but it doesn't take a big enough pix... in mp's that I can enlarge. I wanted a Minolta Dimage Z2 or 3 - slr digital.. it has 48x magnification.. and will take a digiscope for more telescopic pictures. David said NO refurbished. At 7-900 new, 200 for refurbished sounded good to me. On to look for something else. DAvid is looking for me online, and I will look some more tomorrow. There are so many things I need to do... now..

I need to get the paperwork all ready for the taxes.. even if we have someone else do them, they ahve to be put together. I am having a difficult time dealing with it this year. I was okay till we had to evacuate for 3 hurricanes.. the disarray of all my paperwork has left my mind in disarray. That and being 64 years old! It upsets me sometimes that I can't handle things that I used to handle easily.

Lisa and DAvid went to Busch Gardens yesterday.. stayed ALL day long and were so tired. Hans has been worried about her burning the 'candle at 3 ends'... I'm hoping she will be slowing it down just a bit soon. hard on her, very hard on him. He's so alone so much of the time.

Tomorrow is another day. no rain forcast for tomorrow. I have to return the wheelbarrow to our neighbor.. move some more mulch, decide whether to buy a wheelbarrow at Ace hardware.. only 25$..

Dislike the time change. My body doesn't readjust to times easily.

I love salvia. This salvia bloomed non stop all summer till nearly Christmas. It was about 3' tall and just beautiful. I think the tops may have frozen back, but it came back from the roots the second season easily. I have two fairly large plumbago's ready to plant. Just not sure where to put them. I love the blues in a garden !

April Fool's Day

April 1, 2006
Where does the time go? My grandmother used to tell me how fast time went as you got older. At that time days were interminable, especially during the summer. It was such a free feeling.. like you had eternity to do as you pleased. when summer came to an end it was hard to believe. It seemed like we'd been on vacation forever. Now it seems to me that the kids barely have time to catch their breath and its back to school. I wonder if the time is really shorter, or if the kids themselves feel just like I did 'back then'. I was all ready to go back to school at summer's end.. perhaps things had gotten boring. These days it seems that I go to bed having filled up the day, but when I look at what I did, it seems it ought to have filled but a few minutes. April Fool.....

I love pictures of back lit flowers. The amaryliss are huge.. a good 6" across.. and most are either budded or in bloom. I think God's touch is on this property.. mosquitoes etc are so few on my porch. Last summer I would sit on the back porch and it was cool, breezy and I could sit out until dark and no mosquitoes... However one night as I was feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for His provision of this, a little frog leaped onto my shoulder. That's it !!! I love no mosquitoes, but don't like surprises!! There were always at least two small assorted frogs on the house near the porch light. They are all about 2-3 inches long.. except when they leap on me and then they are at least 6 inches. smile. The little green one is a Florida Tree Frug, and I'm not sure if the mottled one is a Cuban tree frog. Supposedly they get to about 5" long and eat all the other little native frogs and lizards, etc. I have pix of the little tree frogs and 2 Cuban frogs.. supposedly.. squashed together awaiting the night's bounty.

As I look out my window this morning there is a squirrel about a foot away eating an acorn while eyeing me. There is a pink crepe myrtle that now goes over the roof where he loves to sit. They race up this small shrubby tree onto the roof and perform acrobatics with very heavy landings. I caught his eye with my flash.. Last year when we moved in, there were multitudes of squirrels. I was leaving the back door open until I discovered that they were running in and out of the kitchen and eating the dog's food. Apparently they never phased Mikey... no barks, no dish protecting. We did put a screen in the door so the beautiful morning air could come in without the furry creatures. I wouldn't mind them coming in to steal a bit of food, but I was always concerned about one being adventurous and wandering.. getting locked in and waking up in the evening.

The garden remained untouched today. Arms wouldn't have cooperated. It was fairly still and a bit too warm during the middle of the day. Fought headache all day.. probably stress.. Gardens have weeds just as families have problems. when problems get too severe.. childen come to me about their children. I think no one stops to think how far reaching one's actions can be.. So many times we think its just 'our business' and we aren't hurting anyone. Little do we know. Little do they know. I come to the garden alone...

I love some of the plants people have shown on the garden web. Some have names that I've heard for so long but they aren't anything I expected. Firecracker vine is one that I thought had tiny little red flowers.. tubular and flared at the end with spiky foliage. Actually its rather a lush vine with the flower portion looking almost like a rooster tail.. beautiful colors of red and yellow.. tubular and big hummingbird attractor.

Time to do mundane things like finish cleaning the kitchen. Air blowing on my arms makes them hurt.. have to get out the afghan.